My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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