morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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