Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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