is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
