Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
