at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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