is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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