Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
