So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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