We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
