dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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