i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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