I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
