I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize