Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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