I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
