She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
