dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
