overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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