whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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