I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
