It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
