It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
