I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
