That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
