Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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