And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
