i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
