My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You're like the curious george of whores
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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