Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
