Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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