there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
4 words: hood of his car
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
