The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
