Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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