im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
