why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
