who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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