look no pants
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
