hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
