from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
