maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
