you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
