They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
