talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
