Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
