there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
