You just made me feel so damn special
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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