there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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