she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
