The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
