I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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