I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
