the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
