I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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