he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
