i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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