My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
