you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
