K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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