just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
