Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just google imaged poop.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think I sprained my soul last night
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize