I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he puts the penis in happiness.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
