whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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