so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
