I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
