you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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