why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
