Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
